One of the reasons why people become foster carers, is because they have had their own children. Although not a prerequisite for fostering, having one’s own children can provide relevant experience and a sense of being on familiar territory.

Some people become foster carers when their own children have grown up and left home. This can sometimes be for practical reasons; a house full of adults and children would have previously left no room to accommodate another young person. As at least one spare bedroom is essential to become a foster carer, children flying the nest provides the opportunity to make a difference to another child’s life.

However, many people become foster carers when their children are still living with them. This is achieved in a planned and considered manner, involving the children in the application and assessment process, and with the whole family being on board.

The most compelling part of all of this is when we go from the question of ‘can I foster with my own children?’ to ‘how can my own children contribute to fostering?’.

Because your own children can help change lives.

The difference your own children can make within the fostering household cannot be underestimated.

But that doesn’t mean that they need to become superhuman, forgoing your attention or care, or effectively becoming foster carers themselves.

It’s all about the smaller, natural gestures having the largest impact. It could be as simple as sharing a toy, instigating a conversation, asking them how they are or involving them in a hobby. Kicking a football around the back garden may be an everyday occurrence for your own children, but totally new to a child in care.

It could be about showing respect, kindness and generosity. The reciprocation may not be immediate, but after time a bond can be established between all young people in the household.

Sophie was just three years old when her parents decided to become foster carers: “Being so young at the time, my memory of those early days is fuzzy. However I do remember being extremely excited at having new children around the house to play with, as my siblings are all significantly older than me.

“I truly believe that having a child in the family helps new children to settle. I was definitely an ice breaker for each child as children naturally gravitate towards other children. It helped them see that I was loved equally to them and that they were a part of a family, whether they were biologically related or not.”

Jonas was just a baby when his parents, David and Ruth, became foster carers in 2018: “I like them a lot, they are my brothers and sisters. I like having the company, it was too quiet when it was just Mum and Dad. We play together all the time. When we go out to play, we play tag and laugh lots.”

We need to dispel the myth that fostering with your own children in the household will, in some way, bring about challenges, stumbling blocks or concerns about safety. It’s not about fitting fostering in around your own children. It’s about what your own children naturally bring to foster care.

Every October, it is Children of Foster Carers Month – a campaign instigated by The Fostering Network to acknowledge and celebrate the contribution to fostering made by the children of foster carers.

So from everyone at TACT, a big ‘thank you’ to all birth children of foster carers everywhere: you make the most amazing difference every single day by just being you, and welcoming children into your home.