Fostering at Christmas can be complicated for both foster carers and the children they provide care for. Christmas may not be celebrated or acknowledged by members of the household, or there may be more deep-routed issues such as negative past experiences from the perspective of a young person. Whatever the reason, the holiday season can work for all members of the fostering household with a little forward planning and flexibility.

Differences in faith When Fostering At Christmas

One of the most important points to consider when we reach the holiday period is the differences in faith. If you are a foster carer who doesn’t celebrate or acknowledge Christmas, then providing a festive experience for a child who values Christmas may feel a little alien to you. Likewise, you may need to provide care to a child whose religion or upbringing is incongruous to Christian festivals such as Christmas.

In these situations, a flexible approach is the key to ensuring that all faiths are represented and celebrated. A great way to achieve this is for both foster carer and child to talk about and introduce elements of their own religions into the festive season. Not only will this achieve a balance between the differing faiths, it will also function as a useful learning and bonding exercise. Social Workers will be able to support with opening these dialogues, and will be able to provide advice.

Here are our top five tips for any fostering households who will be looking to celebrate Christmas with the children in their care:

1. Acknowledge that smaller gestures Can matter more

As a foster carer, it’s natural to want Christmas to feel magical for the children in your care. You want them to have amazing experiences that they will remember and cherish, but this can inadvertently place a lot of pressure on children to enjoy the festive period in a particular way. This can be especially true if a particular young person has never spent Christmas with you before.

For a young person to come into seasonal visitors, tree presents, elaborate mealtimes and family games can mean that they become overwhelmed and alienated. For some young people, Christmas may be linked with confusion, family conflict, grief, or past trauma. There may be some anxieties around not knowing what to expect, or they may struggle with sensory overload. However, this does not mean that you should immediately cancel all your festive plans and avoid celebrating.

The best approach is to talk to your social worker beforehand, to get an idea of how the young person perceives Christmas. It could be that scaling back some plans, and placing more importance on talking and spending physical time with them may be better for their mental health and wellbeing.

Smaller and quieter acts of consistency and care can go a long way to reassure a young person that they are safe, valued, and genuinely included. Ultimately, these gentle moments often matter far more than any big event or elaborate celebration, helping them feel truly at home during the festive season.

3. Try and avoid moments that could be ‘activating’

Christmas is often portrayed as a joyful, carefree time of year. However, for many fostered children, the festive season can bring up emotions that are far more complex. It’s important for foster carers to recognise that, beneath the surface, Christmas can activate emotions that could affect a young person’s mood, behaviour, and sense of safety.

For some children, Christmas is linked to difficult or traumatic memories. The sights, sounds, and routines associated with the season, such as large gatherings, loud celebrations, or even particular foods or songs, might remind them of past experiences that were unsettling or unsafe. These reminders can stir up anxiety and emotional distress, leading to instances of withdrawal or unexpected behaviour. In many circumstances, the young person may not be able to explain why Christmas is affecting them in this way.

For others, the opposite can be true; a young person may have had warm, happy Christmas experiences with their birth family, and the absence of familiar people or traditions can feel deeply painful. Even positive memories can evoke grief, longing, or confusion, leaving them feeling unsettled during what appears outwardly to be a cheerful time.

Whatever the nature of these emotional activations are, recognising them early is key.

Sometimes, directly asking the young person about their Christmas experiences isn’t appropriate; they may not feel ready to talk, or they may not fully understand their own reactions. Instead, speak with your supervising social worker or the young person’s allocated worker. They can share any known information about past experiences, sensitivities, or specific scenarios to help you prepare thoughtfully.

With this insight, you can make gentle, informed plans that either avoid certain activating situations or reduce their impact. This might involve adjusting certain traditions, simplifying busy days, creating quiet spaces for downtime, or offering predictable routines to help them feel safe and grounded. With a little planning and awareness, you can help them navigate the festive season in a way that feels manageable and, in time, perhaps even enjoyable.

4. Take a calm and steady approach to Fostering At Christmas

Whatever your Christmas plans look like – whether you prefer a busy house full of visitors or a quieter celebration – it’s important to remember that the festive period often means everyone is under the same roof for longer than usual. Even in the most settled households, this can create moments of tension or stress. For children in care who may already feel uncertain or emotionally heightened at this time of year, the intensity of the holidays can be particularly challenging.

Adopting a calm, steady approach can make a huge difference. It may seem like simple advice, but creating an environment where the pace is gentle, the expectations are realistic, and everyone has access to personal space is often essential for supporting good mental health and wellbeing.

Children and young people in care may be especially sensitive to noise, unpredictability, or crowded spaces. Christmas can bring all of these at once. By planning ahead and intentionally building in periods of calm, you offer them the chance to decompress and regulate their emotions before things become overwhelming.

This could mean:

• Spreading out activities over several days instead of doing everything at once
• Allowing downtime between social events, meals, or visits
• Creating a quiet room or cosy corner where they can retreat if they need space
• Keeping routines as predictable as possible
• Letting them know in advance what the day will look like, so there are no surprises

By leading with calmness, you will help set the emotional tone for the household. This not only supports the young person in your care but also protects your own wellbeing during what can be a very busy time. Sometimes, it’s these quieter, more peaceful moments that become the most meaningful part of the festive season.

5. Try to avoid conditional language

Many adults use conditional language with young people as a way of teaching cause and effect. It’s something most young people have heard at some point growing up, with phrases such as ‘if you tidy your room, then you can have a treat’, or ‘if you study, you will pass your exams’. These statements are familiar, well-intentioned, and often said without a second thought.

However, for children and young people who have experienced trauma, neglect, or inconsistent care, conditional language can be confusing, anxiety-provoking, or even damaging. Additionally, some young people may struggle with vague phrases such as ‘being good’, which is not to say that they themselves are badly behaved. In these cases, using conditional language can create unrealistic and unattainable expectations on young people.

When fostering at Christmas, this becomes especially important. Phrases like ‘if you’re good, you’ll get some presents’ may seem harmless – but for a young person in care they can create a fear of failure, and worries that they might somehow lose their gifts, or your approval. The child may also interpret the condition in extreme or distorted ways due to past experiences and trauma.

A more supportive and trauma-informed approach is to remove conditions altogether.

Let the young person know – through both your words and your actions – that Christmas gifts, treats, and shared moments are freely given. They don’t need to earn them. They don’t have to perform or behave in a specific way to be worthy of kindness or celebration. This helps reinforce a powerful, healing message: they deserve care and joy simply because they are who they are.

By doing this, you may also be gently unpicking old belief systems that were formed during difficult times in their lives. Showing unconditional warmth and reliability helps build trust, strengthens your relationship, and creates a sense of emotional safety during a season that can otherwise be confusing.

The key point to remember when fostering at Christmas is that support is always available over the festive period, whether that be via your social worker, or a dedicated out-of-hours service. As TACT is a charity and ‘beyond profit’, we reinvest our surplus income into providing more support resources. After all, the better we support you, the better you can make a difference to children’s lives.